Not only a warm but also a super early morning in Feres, in Ariadni and Starvoz’s house. I woke up with the orange stray cat. Ariadni works as a paramedic, so she was also up, preparing the leave for the work. She prepared me a Turkish/Greek coffee in my camping pot.

I sipped on my coffee while packing my fresh clothes and sleeping bag onto my bicycle. While saying each other goodbye, “Have a nice trip, take care about yourself especially because you’re a woman okay?” said Ariadni lastly.

So I started rolling out of the Feres. When your legs are the motor, and you’re practical enough to carry around a mountaineering tent instead of a lightweight one, that motor’s energy expenditure becomes quite high. Therefore, I’ve started snacking on almonds that I’ve supplied before crossing border.

Leaving Feres well behind, I took my first break just to prepare myself (already!) the second coffee of the day. While I was having my caffeine shot on the shade, a car passing by honked at me and the driver gave me a thumbs up, looking at me on the rear mirror. Ah! The tattooed car! and yeah, my last time seeing Ariadni.

I continued to the direction of Xanti, and around 13, I had to stop due to the burning sun. I started having little water bumps on my hands due to the continuous sun exposure.

For the first break of the day, I decided having a coffee on this little town called Sapes. So I’ve parked my big bicycle near to a coffee. My eyes detected the electric supply just as I enter, and I jumped in the couch just beside the power socket. I left all my electronic devices to charge as I am having my coffee. I am sure that I won’t have any breaks if it was not 100% efficient: Right time, right duration, right amount of caffeine appeal, and electric supply.

After talking with my sister and my mother on the phone. I’ve met a 16 year old turkish-greek girl: Merve. I’ve told her about the story and she just asked “Okay, but what is the point of it?” I’ve answered what I had in my mind with honesty: “just to see and experience.” That was true. I did not waited for a giant purpose to appear itself to me before starting cycling.

We continued to chat a little, me and Merve, and she stated something that made everything much more clearer for me: “So if you’re on the road, why are you afraid of “if I go back”s? If you decided to talk to yourself that way, why are you on the road? I sincerely appreciate your journey, Bilge, I hope you go through fire and water. “

After 1,5 hours of a break, I said goodbye to Merve, she advised me to stay away from some neighbourhoods and I continued to the Xanthi. I thought about what Merve said a lot that day. It was clear. I choosed the Trojan war already, so what was the point of looking back?

Upon entering Komotini, my RAM was busy with the every evening’s question again: “Oh but where will I sleep now?” That question visited me since I’ve left Istanbul. And I started thinking, “Oh come on! Would my mind go crazy every evening when it is time to camp from now on?” And that thought was the famous “second arrow” described by Buddha. For me, the first arrow represented unavoidable discomfort that results from the idea of sleeping outside. First arrow was well predicted since I’ve spent almost a year and sucked in the fears of the people who is accustomed to live in cities. However, I was adding imaginative pain through feeling anxious about tomorrow’s night already, that way, I was throwing the second arrow to my very self.

It is funny that I had all the theoretical knowledge, the “agility” concepts but I couldn’t control my mind around those really appealing thought spirals and desperation. Even when I was feeling despair, I was well aware of the helpless desperation, and how easier it was to become engulfed by the pessimistic comfort and give up.

I knew what my journey would feel like in case of giving up. But I couldn’t have imagined how transformative it would be, as I continued. So I decide to trust incertainity, and sit on the saddle with mental discomfort.

My thought were interrupted when I had to stop at the red light. Then a car right left side of me, opened up the window and asked me “Are you coming from Istanbul?” pointing to the T-Shirt I was wearing, the one I got after Istanbul Half Marathon.

“Yes!”
“Oh, congrats from heart! I wouldn’t be able to have courage to do that, even as a man. Do you need anything, any help?”

Then the light turned green, so the man pointed at me to meet him again a little further. He introduced himself to me and offered me to place my tent to the car park he has, the land he uses to keep cars before selling them. I said “oh okay!” and he escorted me to the land.

Barış, it was his name, meaning peace in Turkish. We chat through evening and ate doner. Then he had to call the Iron-master to get him build some constructing stuff for the car park.

As the ironmaster arrived to the land, I hide myself. I did not want anyone other than Barış to know where I am sleeping tonight. The ironmaster (or should I call him ironman?) and Barış got into a small talk, and I could thing I could hear from my hiding place was: “From Istanbul to here? By bicycle? You’re kidding!”.

Then the Ironman left, Barış come back to look for me. We chatted a little more, and I managed to gave him a mini watermelon as a present. Throughout our conversation, two things Barış has said nested in my mind: “Why are you being so hard on yourself Bilge? I don’t know how can I keep my faith on your journey, since you are a shy, sensitive girl.” and lastly, “Do not trust anyone so easily.”.

Barış left for his house around 22, and I was on my own again. All that I knew was, I was getting lots of inputs. Was I really in some journey I can never be considered as “belong”, since I was that shy, sensitive girl?

But that thought did not stayed at me for long. I was somehow immune to what was said about journey. It was not my fear, but his.

That day was full with philosophizing on bicycle and mental pain of an uncontrollable mind. But the storm has ceased as I was alone again. Then I realized, that that mental pain was one of the most valuable things I can endure, since it was bringing a growth after it. But there is only way for that growth, you have to live through the pain. There are no bypassing, no king’s road to the growth, only way is through.

An interesting thing about growing out from fear is, how it resembles mopping the kitchen floor. Imagine, you have mopped your kitchen in the most perfect way. But still, there will be dust and bread crumps in two days on that once perfectly clean floors. It is just the way things are.

And it is natural to mop the kitchen floors again and again, since you don’t expect it to stay clean after one perfect cleaning. I believe this also applies to the fear. When challenge occurs that puts you into discomfort and you get through it, it is not the final time the challenge will occur. It is much clever to expect cleaning away your fears, in a similar frequency that you mop your kitchen floor.

With that lessons, another day that I mentally mopped my kitchen floor was done with me sleeping in a car park in Komotini.

End of day#4.

Kilometers cycled: 96.5
Elevation total: +1164 / -1169